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^AGE GUILD PLAYS 



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U^* .BARBARA 



-ENNETH SAWYER 
GOODMAN 




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STAGE GUILD PLAYS 
BARBARA 




THE STAGE GUILD 
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By Kenneth Sawyer Goodman 

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BARBARA 



A PLAY IN ONE ACT 



BY 



KENNETH SAWYER GOODMAN 

.1 




NEW YORK 

VAUGHAN & GOMME 

MCMXIV 



Copyright iqi4 by 
Kenneth Sawyer Goodman ^V^ 
All rights reserved^^'^Z?* ^ 

Notice: Application for permis-* * 
sion to perform this play in the 
United States should be made to 
The Stage Guild, Railway Ex- 
change Building, Chicago; and 
application for permission to per- 
form it elsewhere should be made 
to Mr. B. Iden Payne, The Gaiety 
Theatre, Manchester, England. 
No performance of it may take 
place without consent of the 
owners of the acting rights. 



W^l' 23 1914 
©Ci.D 37106 



Barbara was first produced under the direc- 
tion of Mr. B. I den Payne at the Fine Arts 
Theatre, Chicago, December gth, igi 3, with the 
following caste: 

Barbara Miss Mona Limerick 

Archie Mr. Dallas Anderson 

EccLES (Archie's man-servant) 

Mr. B. I den Payne 



BARBARA 

The Scene is in the living-room of MR. Archi- 
bald philbert's bachelor apartment. As 
it is late afternoon of a winter day, the 
lamps are lighted. There is a door at the 
right into an entrance hall and a door at 
the back into Archie's dressing-room. The 
curtain rises on an empty stage. A mo- 
ment later, the hall door opens softly and 
BARBARA enters. She is smartly dressed 
and carries a muff. After making quite 
sure that there is no one in the room, she 
takes rather leisurely stock of its contents 
and slips one or two small articles into her 
muff. She then goes to the dressing-room 
door, peeps through the curtains, glances 
behind her, and steps into the dressing- 
room just as ECCLES enters from the hall 
with the afternoon papers. As eccles 
lays the papers on the table, he misses the 
articles which Barbara has taken. Evi- 
dently catching a sound from the dressing- 
room, he tiptoes over, peeps through the 
curtains and at once stands stiffly at atten- 
tion. 

eccles. I beg your pardon, miss. [There is 
no answer.] Will you be good enough to step 

(7) 



8 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

this way, miss? Will you be good enough to 

step this way, madame? 

[BARBARA enters languidly holding 
her muff before her. From it 
project a silver-backed brush 
and comb.] 

BARBARA. You need not shout so. 

ECCLES. [In a conciliatory voice.] I had no 
desire to offend you, madame. 

BARBARA. Your first supposition was correct. 
I am unmarried. 

ECCLES. In either case, I am afraid I must 
require an explanation of your presence in Mr. 
Philbert's dressing-room. 

BARBARA. Are you speaking as a moralist 
or as a man-servant? 

ECCLES. Purely in the latter capacity, miss, 
I assure you. 

BARBARA. It is clcar that you entertain mis- 
taken suspicions concerning me. Or is it that 
you are merely impertinent? 

ECCLES. I trust that I shall not so far forget 
my place, miss, but I am bound to deduce cer- 
tain conclusions from the evidence before me. 

BARBARA. I should like to know your pro- 
cess of reasoning. 

ECCLES. You have in your left hand a gold 
cigarette case which I last saw upon Mr. Phil- 



BARBARA 



bert's dressing table. The inference is obvious. 

BARBARA. [Surrendering the cigarette case.] 
I compliment you upon your perfect tact. 

ECCLES. It is not the first time I have been 
accorded a similar commendation, miss. 
[A pause.] 

BARBARA. I hopc that you do not contem- 
plate an exhibition of physical violence. 

ECCLES. Um — do you carry a weapon, miss? 

BARBARA. Naturally, I am armed. 

ECCLES. In that case, it is my first duty to 
search you. 

BARBARA. It is really a very tiny pistol. I 
have no pockets. It is stuck in my left garter. 

ECCLES. Then, miss, I shall be obliged to 
put you upon your honor while I turn my back. 
[He turns his back.] 

BARBARA. You need have no fear. I abhor 
the faintest suggestion of bloodshed. 

[She stoops and takes a small pistol 
from her garter.] 
What is your name? 

ECCLES. Eccles, miss. 

BARBARA. You may turn around, Eccles. 

[He turns and she hands him the 
pistol.] 

ECCLES. Thank you, miss. 



lO STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

BARBARA. And HOW what do you intend to 
do with me? 

ECCLES. I was thinking, miss, that I might 
telephone to Detective Headquarters. Possibly 
you are already acquainted there? 

BARBARA. I am as yet absolutely unknown 
to the police. I trust you will allow me to re- 
main so. 

ECCLES. But, surely, sooner or later! 

BARBARA. I had thought that if a truly lady- 
like person were unfortunate enough to become 
thus involved, a return of the pilfered articles 
accompanied by a note of apology would be con- 
sidered ample restitution. 

ECCLES. When the ladylike person has friends 
or relatives of social prominence, there is no 
moral issue involved; the offence becomes an 
evidence of temperament, not of turpitude. 

BARBARA. I havc no friends or relatives at 
present available. 

ECCLES. Then, miss, you are guilty of honest, 
downright burglary. 

BARBARA. My dear Eccles, I feel instinct- 
ively that you possess a keenly sympathetic 
mind. I shall tell you the entire story of my 
life. [She sits down.] 

ECCLES. [Looking at his watch.] I fear, miss, 
that I have not the time to listen to a lengthy 
recital of erotic incidents. 



BARBARA II 



BARBARA. The narative is absolutely chaste. 
I have never before infringed upon the ethical 
canons of civilization or the criminal laws of the 
United States. I have only today, after mature 
deliberation, entered upon a professional career 
of crime. 

ECCLES. It is not, of course, my place to 
offer suggestions, 

BARBARA. Suggestions are exactly what I 
dsire to hear. 

ECCLES. May I point out that possibly some 
less hazardous means of livelihood — 

BARBARA. I have canvassed them all. I 
cannot even crochet. If it were not for a strict, 
puritanical conscience, I might have tried the 
so-called primrose path, but I have neither the 
temperament nor the constitution necessary to 
commercial success in that field. 

ECCLES. I am somewhat at a loss to advise 
you, miss. 

BARBARA. [Rising.] Perhaps, if you would 
be so kind as to consider the question over night, 
and come to me at my hotel sometime tomor- 
row morning — 

ECCLES. [After a moment's thought.] I think 
I may safely liberate you upon parole. 

BARBARA. Thanks. Shall we say at ten to- 
morrow morning? 



12 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ECCLES. Very good, miss. 

BARBARA. Have you a card and pencil? 

ECCLES. On the table, miss. 

[The door bell rings twice.] 

BARBARA. The bell ! 

ECCLES. Mr. Philbert's ring, miss. 

BARBARA. You wiU not betray me to Mr. 
Philbert? 

ECCLES. I do not feel it to be necessary. 

BARBARA. But, what am I to say to him? 

ECCLES. Anything, miss. You will find Mr. 

Philbert a charming and considerate young 

gentleman, but extremely dense. [The bell 

rings again.] You will have to excuse me, miss. 

[He goes into the hall. Barbara 

sits down again placidly.] 

ARCHIE. [Speaking off stage.] Dash take it, 
Eccles, I've shed my door-key again. You 
haven't happened on it by chance? 

ECCLES. No, sir. 

[archie enters followed by eccles.] 

ARCHIE. Anyone been here? 

ECCLES. Only a lady, sir. 

ARCHIE. A lady? 

ECCLES. Waiting at present to see you, sir. 



BARBARA 



ARCHIE. [Turning and seeing Barbara.] 
Ah! I don't think I have the pleasure. 

BARBARA. [Rising.] My name is of no con- 
sequence — none in the least. I called upon you 
in regard to — in regard to — merely — You will 
pardon me, but for the moment, I have for- 
gotten what it was that I had in mind. 

[She glances helplessly at eccles.] 

ECCLES. I believe, miss, that you mentioned 
a subscription toward the foundation of a home 
for destitute and abandoned cats. 

BARBARA. Quite so. A subscription. 
[eccles withdraws.] 

ARCHIE. I — 

BARBARA. Howcvcr, it is of no consequence. 
I find that I have already wasted much valu- 
able time. You will pardon me, I'm sure. I 
have an appointment of the greatest importance. 
[She moves toward the door.] 

ARCHIE. This is most extraordinary ! 

BARBARA. It is kind of you to take such a 
vivid interest. I will be glad to answer your 
questions at another date. Good-afternoon. 

[She extends her hand to archie and 
in so doing drops the silver- 
backed brush.] 

archie. [Picking it up and looking at it.] 
Oh, I say — really, you know ! 



14 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

BARBARA. How awkward of me! 

ARCHIE. [Looking into one end of the muff.] 
But, but — you appear to have most of my bu- 
reau silver in your muff. 

BARBARA. Only a part of it. The muff is 

much too small. I shall have to obtain a larger 

one. [She takes the brush from archie 

and thrusts it back into the muff. 

archie. Am I to understand — 

BARBARA. I find myself quite incapable of 
outwitting you, Mr. Philbert. Deceit is so 
foreign to my nature. I am merely a profes- 
sional burglar. 

ARCHIE. Is this some curious sort of pleas- 
antry? 

BARBARA. Not at all. I do not believe in 
treating one's chosen profession with levity. 

ARCHIE. But, upon my soul! 

BARBARA. Sincc there is nothing more to tell, 
I must ask you to allow me to withdraw. 

ARCHIE. One moment, if you please. 

BARBARA. [Taking the brush and several other 
toilet articles from the muff and thrusting them 
into Archie's arms.] I have returned your 
comb and brush. Your latch-key, which I have 
unfortunately slipped into the bodice of my 
dress, I will return to you by post tomorrow. 



BARBARA 15 



I apologize for my intrusion. I think that should 
be sufficient. 

ARCHIE. [Going to the table and putting down 
the recovered loot.] Wait! I must take the 
liberty of speaking to Eccles. 

[He strikes the bell.] 

BARBARA. By all means. 

[She sits down again placidly. 
ECCLES enters.] 

ECCLES. You rang, sir. 

ARCHIE. Eccles, this young lady has just 
made me a most extraordinary revelation. 

ECCLES. Quite so, sir. I am already ac- 
quainted with the circumstances. 

ARCHIE. I think you should have consulted 
me at once. 

ECCLES. Begging your pardon, sir, I have 
not been in the habit of consulting you as to my 
own private conversations with ladies, nor in 
matters affecting your own good. 

ARCHIE. You have doubtless saved me much 
trouble and annoyance. 

ECCLES. More than you can possibly dream, 
sir. 

ARCHIE. In this case, however — 

ECCLES. I have merely taken the liberty of 
paroling the young lady on her own recogni- 
zance. 



l6 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ARCHIE. It is my opinion that we ought to 
ring at once for the police. 

ECCLES. I am convinced that this is the 
lady's first offence and advise most strongly 
against any such suggestion. 

BARBARA. [Rising.] I am then at liberty 
to go? 

ARCHIE. By no means. I am truly sorry, 
but I cannot become an accessory before the 
fact to any future crimes which you may com- 
mit. 

[BARBARA sits doivn again.] 

I have recently become a member of the "So- 
ciety for the Strict Punishment of First Of- 
fences. " I am heartily in accord with its ex- 
pressed views. I am not thinking wholly of 
my own position. I am thinking particularly 
of you. I feel a grave moral responsibility for 
your future welfare. I feel it as a sacred charge 
laid upon me. 

BARBARA. It is vcry sweet of you, Mr. Phil- 
bert, to put it that way. 

ECCLES. I would suggest that if you allowed 
me to fetch tea, sir — 

ARCHIE. I cannot see any occasion for fur- 
ther discussion. 

BARBARA. On the contrary, you have opened 
a vast field for converstion. Let us have tea by 
all means. 



BARBARA I7 



ECLCES. Very good, miss. 
[He goes out.] 

ARCHIE. My dear young lady, I must warn 
you that further entreaties — 

BARBARA. I shall not entreat. I have 
thought much in the last fifty seconds, and it 
seems to me that all you have told me is perfect- 
ly true. You have accepted my future as a 
sacred trust laid upon you. I acknowledge the 
bond between us with a perfect sense of secu- 
rity. 

ARCHIE. I fear this is getting a trifle beyond 
my intelligence. 

BARBARA. I Can scc your point so clearly. 
As you say, you alone are responsible for what- 
ever I may become. I must abandon my pre- 
vious inclinations and desires. You spoke of 
your moral responsibility for my welfare. 
Very well, I accept your generosity with a thank- 
ful heart. Do as you like with me. 

ARCHIE. I ought to ring for the police. 

BARBARA. Oh, no! That would be so ob- 
viously shifting the burden. 

ARCHIE. Since you have formed such defin- 
ite ideas regarding my duty toward you, will 
you kindly tell me what else I could possibly do. 
I cannot in decency turn you lose to prey upon 
my neighbors. 

BARBARA. As you say, you cannot in de- 



l8 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

cency turn me adrift. Clearly you must pro- 
vide for me then. 

ARCHIE. Provide for you? 

BARBARA. I mean of course, you must use 
your influence then to obtain me employment. 

ARCHIE. Unfortunately, I have no influence. 

BARBARA. Then you must make me an al- 
lowance. 

ARCHIE. I will be most certainly dashed — 

BARBARA. You must not forget, Mr. Phil- 
bert, that I am in a sense your ward. 

ARCHIE. I do not wish to intrude my private 
affairs so early in our acquaintance, but I must 
inform you, Miss — Miss 

BARBARA. Let US comc at once to an infor- 
mal footing. You may call me Barbara. Bar- 
bara is not my name but it will serve. It has 
such pleasant vowels. 

ARCHIE. [Seating himself beside her.] Very 
well then, my dear Barbara, I shall make a clean 
breast of my position. You see before you a 
man in destitute circumstances. 

BARBARA. Destitute? 

ARCHIE. Figuratively, penniless. I have 
today stretched my credit to its breaking point 
by the acquisition of a winter wardrobe. To- 
night I give Eccles a month's notice. 



BARBARA IQ 



BARBARA. My dear Archie, — Your name I 
believe is Archibald? 

ARCHIE. Yes. 

BARBARA. I read it on your doorplate. My 
dear Archie, since matters have gone so far, we 
can merely make the best of the situation. I 
have acknowledged the tie which exists between 
us. I shall not attempt to sever it because of 
your pecuniary misfortune. 

ARCHIE. That is very kind of you, I am 
sure. 

BARBARA. Wait. I do not desire credit for 
a purely womanly sentiment. Since you are 
unable to shoulder the moral responsibility for 
my future, it is clear that / must shoulder the 
responsibility of yours. 

ARCHIE. But my previous relations with 
women, outside my own social circle, of course, 
would hardly recommend me as the victim of a 
platonic experiment! 

BARBARA. That is all the more reason why 
/ should not desert you. The more or less con- 
stant companionship of a pure and attractive 
woman cannot fail to be of benefit to you moral- 
ly and intellectually. I shall overlook all past 
peccadilloes. You need apoligize no further. 
[Enter eccles with the tea.] 

ARCHIE. [Rising.] Eccles! 

eccles. Yes, sir. 



20 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ARCHIE. By Jove, I say, you simply must 
help me out. 

ECCLES. In what way, sir? 

ARCHIE. I find that my prospects, and my 
personality, and my private affairs have become 
inextricably tangled with those of Barbara — 

ECCLES. Who is Barbara? 

BARBARA. I am Barbara. 

ARCHIE. And I cannot at present see any 
possibility of disentangling them. 

ECCLES. If it were not that I dislike exceed- 
ingly to appear in the role of the advice-giving 
man-servant, so prevalent, unfortunately, in 
modern drawing-room comedy, I should recom- 
mend you, sir, not to try to disentangle them. 

ARCHIE. [Putting up his hand.] You forget 
that I have engaged myself to marry my second 
cousin, Miss Agatha Chirpstone. 

ECCLES. I have never approved of the en- 
gagement, sir. Miss Chirpstone has been most 
carefully brought up. She has been given every 
modern educational advantage. Her influence 
on your character is therefor certain to be de- 
plorable. 

ARCHIE. But what am I to do? 

ECCLES. [After a moment's thought.] Form 
an alliance with this young lady. 



BARBARA 21 



ARCHIE. But, my dear Eccles, owing to the 
laxity of opinion among people of culture and 
refinement, I am afraid such an alliance, as you 
call it, would not be considered as sufficient pro- 
vocation for a — break between Miss Chirpstone 
and myself. 

ECCLES. I am not suggesting — immorality. 

ARCHIE. What else are you suggesting? 

ECCLES. Marriage — contracted with another 
person, would automatically cancel your obli- 
gation to Miss Chirpstone. 

BARBARA. [Reaching for a cake.] I had not 
comtemplated an arrangement of so formal a na- 
ture. 

ECCLES. That is of course a matter to be de- 
cided strictly between yourselves. 

ARCHIE. It is an idea — 

BARBARA. I certainly shall not refuse Mr. 
Philbert's proposal off-hand. 

ARCHIE. There is, however, the question of 
money to be considered. 

ECCLES. Quite so. 

ARCHIE. I had counted on Miss Chirpstone 
as an avenue to financial rehabilitation. 

BARBARA. Mr. Philbcrt informs me that he 
is virtually penniless. 



22 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ECCLES. I have been aware of that fact for 
some time, miss. 

BARBARA. We shall be obliged to support 
ourselves. 

ARCHIE. There is the stage. 

ECCLES. By your leave, I have had a little 
experience in that direction myself — before I 
entered service — I was, for quite a period, upon 
the variety stage. Time was, miss, when a 
neat pair of ankles combined with even an act 
of trained seals was considered acceptable on 
the major circuits. Today, the sidewalks of 
any town or village furnish sufficient entertain- 
ment for the curious. 

ARCHIE. We might further pursue Barbara's 
talent for light burglary. I am sure I would 
make a most excellent confederate. My social 
acquaintance. — 

BARBARA. I fear I have not the talent I 
thought — 

ECCLES. I quite agree with you, miss. 
Housebreaking is out of the question. It re- 
quires a certain perspicacity and finesse in 
which, I regret to say, you are both somewhat 
lacking. 

ARCHIE. You speak with amazing authority, 
Eccles. 

ECCLES. Before going upon the variety 
stage, I was for sometime a burglar, myself, 



BARBARA 23 



and am therefore qualified to express my views. 

BARBARA. We appreciate your delightful 
frankness. 

ARCHIE. But, deuce take it, if we must work 
for a living — 

ECCLES. That will not be necessary. 

ARCHIE. How else are we to maintain a 
proper establishment? 

ECCLES. Upon the income derived from your 
wife's dowry. 

BARBARA. But I havc no dowry. 

ECCLES. One will be provided. 

ARCHIE. By whom? 

ECCLES. By me. 

BARBARA. [Nibbling at a piece of cake.] 
That is very good of you, Eccles. 

ARCHIE. I do not understand. 

ECCLES. That, sir, goes without saying. I 
shall, however, out of my private means, which 
are fortunately large, provide a marriage settle- 
ment for this young lady which will be ample to 
satisfy your combined requirements. 

ARCHIE. But, one moment — 

ECCLES. I have for some time desired to be 
of financial assistance to you, sir. But my 



24 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

Strict business instinct prevented me from mak- 
ing a loan, which I knew could not possibly be 
repaid. I could not offer it to you directly in 
the form of a gift. 

ARCHIE. As a gentleman, I could not have 
accepted it. 

ECCLES. Quite so. I know my place well 
enough not to be guilty of any such imperti- 
nence. My present proposal, however, solves 
the difficulty to perfection. 

BARBARA. My dear Archie, since you did not 
object to the idea of living upon Miss Chirp- 
stone's money, you cannot possibly object to 
the idea of living upon mine. 

ARCHIE. That seems a reasonable deduction. 

ECCLES. Just so. The arrangement places 
you under no personal obligation to me. 

ARCHIE. Certainly not. I could hardly per- 
mit myself to be placed in any such ridiculous 
position. 

BARBARA. Your dignity will not suffer in the 
least. 

ARCHIE. May I be permitted to ask, how- 
ever, why you have chosen to remain in service. 
Surely, a man of property — 

ECCLES. A most natural question, sir. I 
can only answer it by saying that a man-ser- 
vant's life is an easy and well-regulated one. 



BARBARA 25 



By leading it, I have also been relieved of cer- 
tain social obligations and matrimonial entice- 
ments which would have proved extremely 
distasteful to me. 

ARCHIE. But why should you part with what 
you have? I speak, of course, from a purely 
disinterested point of view. 

ECCLES. I shall keep sufficient to provide 
myself with an old-age pension suitable to one 
in my chosen station. The remainder I cannot 
possibly enjoy, as I am expecting to go into 
absolute seclusoin for a term of years. 

ARCHIE. Into absolute seclusion? 

BARBARA. What sort of seclusion? 

ECCLES. The Penetentiary, miss. I shall 
undoubtedly receive the maximum sentence. 
I am quite resigned to it. 

ARCHIE. Is your expected incarceration the 
result of one of your former — occupations. 

ECCLES. In a way, sir. There is no reason 
for mincing matters. The basis of my fortune 
and the reason for my present infelicitous posi- 
tion is — forgery. 

BARBARA. This decidedly alters the situa- 
tion. I cannot accept, as my marriage portion, 
the proceeds of another's career in crime. It 
would hardly entitle me to an assured position 
in society. 



26 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ECCLES. On that point, miss, you are en- 
tirely mistaken. But I assure you that you 
need not feel ashamed. Forgery, it is true, 
gave me my start, but the bulk of my property 
has been acquired by speculation in cheap real 
estate, rented for questionable purposes. 

BARBARA. That is quite different. 

ECCLES. I will further relieve your mind by 
telling you that I already have made restitution 
to the victims of my earlier felonies. 

ARCHIE. I am glad to hear that, Eccles, very 
glad to hear it. 

ECCLES. I have also kept a list of those who 
have suffered by my later depredations. It had 
been my intention to begin settling these moral 
liens at an early date. I shall, however, take 
the liberty of handing that obligation over to 
you, sir. When you have paid the listed 
amounts, together with compound interest at 
six and one-half per cent,, which is one-half more 
than they would be entitled to expect on any 
safe investment, there will still remain an 
honestly-acquired residue which I trust you will 
use wisely. 

BARBARA. Your scntimcnts do you credit, 
Eccles, but do you think such generosity neces- 
sary — I mean in the matter of the extra one-half 
per cent? 

ECCLES. I prefer to err on that side, miss. 
Before I was a forger I was for a time a student 



BARBARA 27 



of theology. I have never wholly rid myself 
of a belief in the doctrine of antonement. 

ARCHIE. You have banished my last scruple. 
As an unbiased party to this discussion, I can 
honestly advise Barbara to allow you to make 
the proposed settlement. 

ECCLES. Thank you, sir. And now, sir, I 
beg leave to give you notice asking that you 
will kindly waive the usual month. 

BARBARA. Is such a rcqucst not considered 
most unusual? 

ARCHIE. It would leave me infernally short- 
handed. 

ECCLES. I am sincerely sorry to inconveni- 
ence you, sir, but my sudden determination to 
leave has been brought about by the fact that I 
have been shadowed for some days by a large 
man with a dark moustache slightly curled at 
the ends. You may have noticed him leaning 
against the area railing as you came in. 

ARCHIE. No, Eccles, I did not happen to 
notice him. 

ECCLES. His face was at one time familiar 
to me. When I was engaged in a tidy little 
smuggling business, before I entered the theo- 
logical seminary, he was employed in the capac- 
ity of a Secret Service detective. 

BARBARA. I think I am beginning to under- 
stand. 



28 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ECCLES. My constitution is somewhat im- 
paired by sedentary habits. I can no longer 
stand the nervous strain. 

BARBARA. You intend to give yourself up? 

ECCLES. Yes, miss, at once. 

ARCHIE. Of course, if it is a question of your 
health I cannot interfere. 

ECCLES. Thank you, sir. I will give you 
the address of my lawyers. 

[He takes out a card and writes on it.] 
Messrs. Slasher &z Guile, 422 The Tower Bldg. 
They will receive instructions from me at once 
regarding — our — arrangement. 

[He hands card to Barbara.] 

BARBARA. [In a bored voice.] Thank you, 
Eccles, I trust you will not be too uncomfortable. 

ECCLES. You are very kind, miss. Will that 
be all, sir? 

[archie nods.] 
Good-bye, sir. Good-bye, miss. 

BARBARA and ARCHIE. [Together.] Good- 
bye, Eccles. 

[eccles goes out and shuts the door.] 
ARCHIE. Rather a good sort, Eccles? 

BARBARA. [Rising and coming over to the tea 
table.] I cannot approve of this modern senti- 
mentality. Is it not enough to lionize the crim- 
inal in novels and on the stage, without making 
a hero of him in real life? 



BARBARA zq 



ARCHIE. [They seat themselves at opposite 
sides of the table.] We may, however, consider 
our affair settled, I suppose? 

BARBARA. [Pouring tea.] In a sense, yes. 
Although, my dear Archie, you have made me a 
definite proposal of marriage, / have given you 
no answer, definite or otherwise. Of course, I 
admit the understanding which exists between 
us, but I cannot lay myself open to future criti- 
cism on the part of your family and friends who 
will, of course, become my family and friends, 
by undue haste in according to you the name 
and privileges of a fiance. 

ARCHIE. I quite agree with you, my dear. 
You need entertain no apprehension whatever. 

BARBARA. Without Eccles, it will be neces- 
sary to establish a proper chaperonage. Other- 
wise, I cannot call upon you here in your apart- 
ments. 

ARCHIE. Quite so. Nor I upon you at your 
hotel. 

BARBARA. The situation requires consider- 
able tact. 

ARCHIE. We must observe the most scrupu- 
lous decorum. 

BARBARA. You may, however, kiss me just 
once. 

ARCHIE. [Putting down his cup and rising. 



30 STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

Thanks. Thanks, awfully. I think I shall — 

[There is a knock at the door.] 
Dash it all ! 

BARBARA. This is most annoying! 

ARCHIE. Come in. 

[The door opens and eccles enters.] 

BARBARA. Oh! 

ARCHIE. Well, Eccles? 

ECCLES. Begging your pardon, sir, but you 
will doubtless recall that I gave you my notice 
about five minutes ago. 

ARCHIE. [Exasperated.] Quite so. And what 
can I do for you now? 

ECCLES. If you have not filled my place, sir, 
I should like to be taken on again. 

BARBARA. [With asperity.] This is a very 
sudden change of mind on your part, Eccles. 

ECCLES. I am sorry, miss, to have occasioned 
inconvenience. 

ARCHIE. But what have you done about the 
large man with the black moustache slightly 
turned up at the corners ? 

ECCLES. I am happy to say, sir, that my 
alarm was unwarranted. 

BARBARA. Indeed? 

ECCLES. I was not mistaken as to the man's 



BARBARA 3I 



identity, merely as to his present calling. He 
is no longer a detective. 

BARBARA. Ah! 

ECCLES. He is utilizing his peculiar talents 
as an agent for a life insurance company. 

ARCHIE. But, I say — 

BARBARA. Wait — Eccles? 

ECCLES. Yes, miss. 

BARBARA. Will this alter — the — the — 

ECCLES. By no means, miss. I have never 
gone back on my word. 

BARBARA. Then, Archie dear, I think it can 
do no harm to take him on again. 

ECCLES. Thank you, miss. 

ARCHIE. Then, Eccles, you are re-engaged. 

ECCLES. Thank you, sir. 

BARBARA. [Taking a cigarette from Archie's 
case.] I am sure we will all get on very well. 

ECCLES. Is there anything else for the pres- 
sent, sir? 

BARBARA. Send away my taxi. I shall stay 
for supper. 

ARCHIE. And, Eccles. 

ECCLES. Yes, sir. 



3^ STAGE GUILD PLAYS 

ARCHIE. You might let Miss Barbara have 
a check for five hundred in advance. 

ECCLES. Very good, sir. 

[He goes out and shuts the door.] 

CURTAIN. 



This first edition of Barbara, printed from type 
by The Lancaster Printing Company, 
Lancaster, Pennsylvania, in March, igi4, 
for VAUGHAN & GOMME, New York, con- 
sists of one thousand and fifty copies on 
laid paper. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

iPB. 

015 897 374 1 w 



